The impact of losing your job or your savings is like any other Truma you may face as a couple...

2009-04-09T21:06:00.000-07:00

The impact of losing your job or your savings is like any other Trauma you may face as a couple... It is an event of extreme stress out of the range of what you expected to handle. Whatever the financial loss – trauma always involves a loss of safety, predictability, control and belief in self and others. Accordingly financial crisis often puts considerable strain on a couple’s relationship. We suggest that despite the strain, your relationship may be your most valuable resource. Working to heal together may be the best investment you make.

Understanding the meaning and reactions to trauma and utilizing the strategies outlined in Healing Together: A Couple’s Guide to Coping with Trauma and Post-Traumatic Stress may help you though this difficult time.Let’s take a look….

Do you find yourselves getting angry at each other when you know it really is about the failing economy? The boss who let you go? The money you can’t spend?

In times of crisis, people are at their worst with the people closest to them. Partners often save the anger for each other and fight about anything from brands of cereal to walking the dog.

Strategy: Change the perspective. Consider that anger is often the mask for unexpressed anxiety and helplessness ( both of which are appropriate under the circumstances.) but that neither of you is talking about. Remind each other of another crisis you have faced together and re-enforce “ OK – we can figure this out too.” Using some of the listening and problem solving techniques are a start….

Does feeling embarrassed and panicked because you or your partner has lost a job make it hard to relax , much less feel desirable and sexy?

Trauma disrupts intimacy because it often brings with it physical anxiety, sleep problems, self-doubt and fear of rejection.

Strategy: As we say in Chapter four – find some way to “ Dance In The Dark.” Find each other and you will find a way to pay the bills. Research tells us that when people have a physical bond they have a more immediate impact on regulating each others stress level. It is more likely you are going to draw upon your resiliency as a couple to find a road out of the crisis if you feel close. Start anywhere- a 10 minute ride for a cup of coffee that neither expected, a walk around the block without talking, the CD of favorite songs that stirs the memories of the way you were. Being “ Off Task” together is not only crucial for creative thinking; it restores the one thing that money can’t buy – your relationship.

Remember: Unhappiness and strife is not a necessary condition of frugality, financially planning or saving.

Please send your reactions, thoughts and questions to info@couplesaftertrauma.com

Healing Together: Couples After Trauma Blog

The impact of losing your job or your savings is like any other Truma you may face as a couple...